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Naming the Damage of Microaggression
Despite holding a “traditional view” on sexuality while in high school- that sex was reserved for marriage between one man and one woman only- it became a matter of survival to frequently and public assert those beliefs whenever the topic came up in conversation. I learned very quickly that, if people were to know about my “homosexuality”, especially Christians, they needed to know immediately that I knew it was sinful and wrong. And so I made sure that they knew.
No matter how sincere my commitment to what I believed was right, and even though my commitment to sexual purity surpassed many of my straight Christian friends, even that was not enough for some. The immediate disgust-response of most Christians at the very mention of the word “homosexuality” was visible, almost perfunctory (especially among men). And while my “dedication to godliness” was praised, the distaste and distrust for me were clearly the default position. I felt like the lepers from the Sunday school stories I was raised on- diseased and dangerous- and yet even worse because I was somehow responsible for my own contamination.
In truth, it was during these years that I can see the first cracks in the foundation of my fundamentalism. I knew I was not the pervert many assumed I must be. I knew I was not the predator many feared I would become. I knew that I was no more “broken” than…