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The Dark Side Of Coming Out
It recently dawned on me that I would be spending this year’s National Coming Out Day in the small town where I first came out 30 years earlier. Given it is a place linked to all sorts of trauma related to being queer, the topic of coming out has been occupying center stage in my thoughts of late, for better and for worse.
The fact is, of course, that “coming out” isn’t just one thing. It isn’t experienced by everyone in the same way. For some, it can be a celebration. For others, it’s an act of resistance. For yet others, it is a desperate necessity for self-preservation. In all cases, it is deeply personal. As such, most people who come out hope it is met with understanding, compassion, and even joy.
It doesn’t always play out this way. There are those who refuse to accept it at all, people who refuse to affirm, rejecting LGBTQ+ people and our identities entirely. That is not unexpected. However, sometimes allies and even members of LGBTQ+ communities themselves dropped the ball in receiving this news from others. One notable example is how many LGBTQ+ folks responded to Caitlyn Jenner. Despite the fact that many of us deeply dislike her political leanings, it is unacceptable that such feelings would justify denying the legitimacy of her transgender identity. Coming out is about authenticity, and one’s character (or lack thereof) does not mitigate the legitimacy of…