Why Bisexual Erasure Hurts Us All

Jamie Arpin-Ricci
4 min readDec 2, 2019
(art by Jamie Arpin-Ricci)

In what is being called “the first queer guide to Christian marriage- “Modern Kinship”- authors David & Constantino Khalaf offer incredibly practical and much-needed wisdom for queer Christians. Ranging from dating to a life beyond “I do”, the book explores the unique challenges LGBTQ+ Christians face in their pursuit of a life-long partner. In a section called “Challenging Geographic Limits”, they open with this:

“This is the hard truth: if you’re a single LGBTQ Christian who would like to be in a relationship with someone who shares your faith, chances are you’ll have to move. As with every rule, there are exceptions. But if you’re pinning your hopes on being the outlier, you’re increasing the difficulty of a battle that is sufficiently uphill already.”

Working with gay and lesbian Christians from across the country and beyond, my experience is that this has largely been true for far too many. Given that the field is already smaller than the sea of straight people, add the element of religion (an additionally divided context some times), and the idea of finding a partner could seem nearly impossible. After all, not everyone has the means and freedom to travel to simply date, let alone consider the implications of moving completely. For this very reason, many have given up the thought of a long-term relationship, let alone marriage.

Yet as someone who identifies as bisexual (or pansexual, depending on the context), I was frustrated by a dynamic that I see all too often that needlessly contributes to these problems. But before we move on, a few helpful definitions to set the stage.

Monosexuals: those who have romantic and/or sexual attraction to members of one sex or gender only, regardless of sexual orientation. Straight, gay, and lesbian people are generally in this category.
Non-monosexuals: those who have romantic and/ or sexual attraction to members of more than one sex or gender expression. Bisexual and pansexual people are generally in this category.

This distinction is critical when talking about sexual orientation and identity, in part because it is often assumed that gay and lesbian people always have more in common with bisexual people than they do with straight folks. In this case, that assumption is shown to be untrue, with…

Jamie Arpin-Ricci

Jamie Arpin-Ricci is a bisexual author & activist with more than 25 years experience living at the intersection of faith, sexuality, and justice.