Why Silence Harms LGBTQ+ Christians
When I first came out as gay as a teenager (and later more accurately as bisexual/pansexual), I made a point to tell people that I did not accept my orientation as a point of faith. Unlike today, where I am fully affirming, at the time I could not reconcile my faith and sexual orientation. And in truth, I also knew that to do so would end my place in the only community of faith that I had ever known. I was sure that, as long as I made it clear that I held to “traditional beliefs” on the topic, everything would be ok.
While a few people reacted poorly, like the classmate who declared with a mix of shock and pity, “You’re going to hell!”, most people received it surprisingly well. It was made easier for them, no doubt, by the fact that I wasn’t asking them to “accept” me or change their beliefs. Still, given the few really bad experiences I had with others, I was surprised. People asked a few questions, listened carefully, and seemed to be ok with it. I finally started feeling hopeful.
Then something changed. Within a few weeks of telling people, no one brought it up again. No one asked how I was doing. No one offered me help on where to go from here. Now, keep in mind that this was nearly 20 years ago in rural Canada. Coming out at all, let alone in a Christian context, was terrifying and often dangerous. Why was no one talking to me about it?